Dear Coronavirus:

It’s over, loser. You’re done. You’re dead. You think you can spread your filth in the United States of America? THINK AGAIN!

Let me tell you, we’re a country of fighters. We know war, we have navy SEALS! Who do you even think you are? There’s one of you, and millions of us, and guess what idiot? Every last one of us has hog-killin guns and you sure look like a FAT HOG to me!

Oh you wanna talk vectors? You’re gonna spread on the subway huh? Well guess what. I live in New York City and our subways DONT EVEN WORK, so I guess that makes you the dumb one. THINK AGAIN.

Person to person? Well I dont have friends and I dont hang out with anybody. And I lost my freakin KEYS so I cant even LEAVE MY APARTMENT so how are YOU gonna get me then? THINK AGAIN!

Youre pathetic. Youre a lowlife virus that doesnt even have hands and you cant even deal with a little HAND SANNY, even noro can do that, and honestly im more scared of NV! And I stole 5 bottles of purell from work so im set for at least a year! what are you gonna do!?

My little brother’s friend is a marine and I wont hesitate to ask my brother to ask him to find you and kill you so watch your back. Get out of the game while you still can.

- The Author

P.S. STAY AWAY FROM TRADER JOE’S!